That's far enough. I can walk from here. I'm tired of being in the backseat.
I'm tired of being quiet, being interrupted, being overlooked. It's happened in almost every relationship I've been in and I'm done.
I remember feeling this way the most with my first husband. I felt like a caged bird. I would talk, he would talk over me. I would try to break in again, he'd get louder. I would cry, frustrated and defeated and he'd say I was trying to manipulate him. Oh, ok.
Then again in my second marriage. I spoke up, but he spoke to everyone BUT me. Co-workers, old friends, new friends. All women, of course. I'd gotten the house and the husband, but I felt isolated and alone.
Then there was my job. My dumb, stupid job. It really wasn't dumb or stupid but the boss was a bully and it makes me angry thinking about it.
The job itself was good. I actually enjoyed my work and was good at it. But let the boss tell it, I was the worst. (But then she would compliment me and give me bonuses in a weird abusive relationship kind of way.)
She was the owner's sister-in-law so, you know... nepotism. There wasn't anything you could say or anyone to turn to. Everyone just had to play nice-nice with her to make sure not to rock the job security boat.
Ten years and seven months was all the floating I could muster until I jumped ship. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Every day this quote would get louder and louder until I got the message.
"If it costs you your peace, it's too expensive."
My peace had long gone away. Every morning my mind would try to find a footing to dig into to try and make everything ok. It just wasn't ok.
I wasn't ok with being someone's footstool so I stood up, and walked out.
Countless others have decided I wasn't rich enough, popular enough, connected enough, or worthy enough to listen to. Ok cool.
I. DON'T. CARE. ANYMORE.
Typing that out, I don't really like that phrase. I DO care. I care deeply about people. Just not more than I care about myself. I know myself, love and even like myself.
I wasn't put on this Earth to cower or be invisible. I was put here to be a light.
I can't turn that on sitting in the back seat. So scoot over, or let me out. I've got places to go and people to see!